That talk we had stuck with me.

As long as I can remember, I have been confused about my beliefs.  Even attending church every Sunday all my life I feel like it hasn’t been until recently where I actually feel like I know what I believe. I coasted through my early years having no clue who Jesus was, and well my life seemed great. When I got to my high school years is when I was really put to the test.  Even if God was there, I ignored him because I was absorbed in everything superficial.  I struggled with just about everything until my junior year of high school.  Simply put, I needed people to like me.  I relied on my relationships more than anything, and put more than I had into them.  I would do anything to make people happy even if it meant doing something for them over my own best interests.  I also struggled with peer pressure because if anyone asked me to do something, well I would.  I felt so exhausted. I was a junior in high school and I had absolutely no clue who I was.   I knew I needed something to change, but there is a big difference between knowing and actually committing to a change.

Putting all my time into the here and now I had no time for the things that really mattered.  During my junior year of high school I received an underage drinking ticket. I knew this was as low as I could go because this just simply wasn’t who I wanted to be. I had to face my friends and hardest of all was facing my family. My parents found out I wasn’t their perfect little boy anymore.  It was so hard to face my family because this felt like just another thing I had failed at.

My brother and I always got along great, but for me there was a jealousy that would show up at times.  He was off at Madison, a freshman growing up, while I felt like I was stuck with nowhere to go, completely broken.  I felt like I had no one in my life cared about the awful things going on in my life.  I was so focused only on my situation because it turned out my brother was there the whole time. We talked the day after I received my ticket, he only showed love towards me although I was so embarrassed and ashamed of myself.  I completely broke down.  He told me that no matter what I ever did he would always love me and more importantly so would Jesus.  He has always pursued me, and that talk we had stuck with me.

A couple months later I went out to Ocean City, New Jersey to visit him while he was on a summer project there.  I told him I didn’t like the life I was living, and I did truly want Jesus in my life.  It was there I committed my life to Jesus.  I would never want to take away any of my struggles because if I would I don’t know how I would have came to absolutely love God. I was weak and God built me up.  God shows me unconditional love, and I am nothing close to perfect. I deserve nothing but Jesus went on the cross for me.  He took my spot and my sins that I deserved to pay for.  It is unbelievable to be loved by a God like this.  God has blessed me so much with the people He has put in my life, and has shown me the right direction to pursue.  Although I’m only at the beginning of my journey,  I can’t wait to grow in him.  I no longer have to rely on people that won’t always come through for you, instead I rely on Jesus Christ, the all knowing and all powerful who will never let me down.