Michael’s Story
Growing up, I was fortunate enough to have a family that did almost everything together. From playing baseball in the backyard, to “going on an adventure” during a biking or hiking trip, to playing ping pong all winter long, we shared countless experiences that I will always treasure. Granted, there were points where we didn’t always get along, and I remember arguments and even having a scissors fight with my sister. However, their support and love was always a constant, and I feel like their influence helped give me much of the confidence and purpose that is important to me today.
One thing that was emphasized greatly in my family—perhaps more than anything else—was our faith. We went to church every Sunday, and I even attended a parochial school for 9 years. It was something that was always present—for example, we were one of those families that always said our prayers before bedtime and every meal—but partly because of this, I basically took my faith for granted. While I was comfortable with all of the religious activities that we did, it was often more of a tradition than a personal relationship with God. I sometimes participated in my faith more out of a sense of obligation than a true desire, and I remember even in high school wishing that I would someday want to go to church, rather than attending simply because I thought it was necessary.
Now fast forward to college. Here my familiar religion was challenged because for the first time in my life, I was not surrounded by the traditions and obligations of my family. Though I started going to a church, there was nobody making me do it anymore, and I was forced to start thinking why I was really making myself get up early on Sunday mornings. Also, I was obviously on my own for the first time, with more responsibilities and a heck of a lot more uncertainty. I failed a lot, which was very difficult for me, being a perfectionist and having had a lot of success in high school.
I remember one time when I thought I was going to fail a class, plus I was being criticized for not being a good marcher in the UW Marching Band, plus I was having a hard time finding meaningful friendships like I had in high school. Things were just not working out very well, and I remember thinking for the first time in my life that I couldn’t make my situation better just by putting in more and more effort. Instead of thinking that I could do anything as long as I tried hard enough, I had a greater realization that there were many problems outside my control, and other things that I simply wasn’t strong enough to accomplish. For one of the first times in my life, I felt like I needed God, and I prayed to Him to help me get through the whole mess.
That was a key point for me. Even when I got things back under control and realized that college actually wasn’t going to kill me, I was forced to admit that I couldn’t do everything on my own. There were a lot of things in my life that I couldn’t take for granted, and God was not some outside figure who I could neglect on a daily basis. It also hit home that if I couldn’t even get the little things right, how could I expect to do something truly important without any help? This led right to one of the fundamental ideas behind the Christian faith- that humankind fundamentally keeps messing up, and therefore can never get close to the perfection that is God. Getting right with Him, and doing His will, is not something that we can do on our own, but rather something that can only be attained by trusting that Christ’s death on the Cross is sufficient to pay the penalty for our sins.
Now, did a lot of my life change as a result of this realization? No. I didn’t really change my morals or my outward behavior, and I doubt that people who knew me from before college would notice much of a difference. I still have questions that I struggle with in my faith, and I still face many of the same challenges that I did before coming to college.
However, the motivation behind my faith and its importance in my life has begun to change. Because I feel like I really need God, developing my relationship with Him has become much more important to me, and this has helped my faith to begin to permeate almost every aspect of my life. I feel that God and His support has become more of a constant presence, and because of that I find myself wanting to go to church or pray, rather than acting out of some sense of obligation.
Probably the most important benefits this has given me are comfort and assurance. I know that God has great things in store for me, and I feel a great responsibility to do my best to live out the plan that He has assigned me. However, I know that He will help me out with anything that is truly important, and trusting Him to take care of the big stuff puts all the minor problems in perspective. Faith also helps me stay strong in my personal convictions, and gives me confidence to be the person that I feel I should be, regardless of circumstances. Most importantly, I have started to see God’s presence more and more in everyday life. Whether it is nature, music, or the people around me, seeing God in random circumstances shows me that there is a plan and a reason for hope in my life. Now that I have given up trying to fix everything myself, I can actually recognize that in many cases God is already working on it. And because of that, I feel like I can be comfortable in who I am and what I have accomplished, no matter how many times I mess up. I don’t think there is anything more satisfying than the feeling of being accepted no matter what, and I think that is what they mean when they talk about the peace that only comes from God.
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